“A letter to my younger self.”
This year, you have matured; you used to believe that the world would end while you were in your teens and that you would not live until you were in your twenties. But, in truth, your life goes on even though you’ve been destroyed; thank you for being there; even though you used to do dumb things to terminate all of this life drama, what power your destiny still has to live, and perhaps you’ve been given more time to do other silly things.
The world does not stop when you make a mistake, when you experience enormous grief, when you are numb, or even when you attempt to end your own life.
You’ve done a lot of ridiculous things, and in silly ways. Who would have guessed that, at the age of 21+, your heart would be broken to the point where it felt like your bones were broken? Who would have guessed you’d still be attempting to stand up after your bones were nearly gone? Who would have guessed you’d frequently go to counseling and do insane stuff out there? Who would have predicted that the innocent and crying girl would grow up to be such a crazy and powerful woman?
I know you must be laughing at the ridiculous things I do all the time, but please keep thinking that I will make you proud eventually. Ridiculous things will most likely be done frequently, and you may not be surprised. But the most astonishing thing is that you still exist, huh?
I will continue to pick you under any conditions, even if I constantly lose myself, but I must be able to keep whatever is left in me so that I do not lose myself altogether. I know you must be dissatisfied by some of the things I do, such as hurting myself, always putting others first, being willing to be broken, and other dumb things. I know you were frustrated when you saw me continuing to maintain the crazy relationship I had at the time.
I apologize for always allowing others to hurt you.